In a Crowd

People who know me well know that I absolutely lose it when I see an elderly person eating alone. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that my own grandpa would never go anywhere without my grandma..glued together and so an empty seat in my experience is not good news. There is just something about watching an older person eat that to me is so child-like, so vulnerable, so fragile... this and the idea that in a crowded restaturant everyone else around this quiet table is talking, toasting and enjoying the company of somebody else. In high school, I remember watching this particular gentleman with heavy eyes and shaking hands take small bird-like bites from his sandwhich. With each slow bite, he would stare off into the distance and shake his head over and over again. From across the room, I could not watch him anymore, picked up my tray and moved over to his table, "Do you mind if I sit here?"

I had that same feeling again today.
I took the G man to the park to shoot some hoops.
He loves to watch the big kids, the way they dribble the ball up and down the court making sharp, quick passes to one another. He laughs when they laugh. When they shout out, "pass, pass" he does the same.
You can just tell in his little eyes he wants to sit at their table.
But the court is a crowded place and not meant for awkward little two year olds who are just learning to dribble and pass.
"Hewo guys! What arrrrrre you doing?" he asks. Nothing.
"Hey guys.. Hewo," a little louder and with direct eye contact. Nothing.
Then he does something that he just never does, he hands them his pitiful looking rubber ball as a gesture, it is the kind of ball you are supposed to use for kickball not hoops but it doesn't matter because the boys are so caught up in play they don't even notice him at all.
He shakes his little head puts down his hands and looks away.
It doesn't matter that I have tried to distract him, that I have asked him to pass me the ball.
"Come on G lets dribble," I say for the third time.
At this point, the G stands silent with his ball still locked in his hands and gives the boys that look..that I am sitting here all by myself in a crowded restaurant look that just tears me up.