"What can you do Mamacita?"

I've been "Memed" by my neighbor and friend Ally at Zone Family. Like Ally, this is my first meme and like Ally I also have many non-blogging "blogrant" readers, um o.k. only one that's you Mama, who might want to know that a meme in Bloggyland is not the French word for "even" but rather a writing challenge one has been asked to complete. So I've been "tagged" to write this meme: " The Top Ten interesting things you don't know about me."

1. I bleached a frog.
In the fourth grade my friend Ashley and I decided to conduct an experiment to see what would happen if we bleached the frog that we caught from the river. The following lab notes reveal our findings ...the specimen turned white, the specimen died and this researcher has been living with frog guilt ever since.

2. I know all the words to the 1985 rap hit "The Superbowl Shuffle."
When I was a kid I used to tape-record all my favorite songs off the radio, hanging on to Casey Kasem's every word as I listened to his Weekly Top 40 show. I spent way too many Sunday afternoons memorzing those songs by following a very meticulous and painful process. I can just hear myself telling the G-man all about it when he's older... "back then son we we didn't have them fancy i-pods or CD players and we couldn't google music lyrics like you kids can today. We had what was called a tape-player and in order to learn the lyrics Mama had to press play, stop and rewind over and over again to get the exact words down on paper. Yes pen and paper son. I'll show you one of them sometime." And then the Docta could chime in,"And see that's why mama knows every little word to every one of those useless songs she sings."

3. In sixth grade I submitted a piece to the Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine that I considered to be a real nail-biting thriller. Ooh the suspense...oooh the intrigue... all building up to one of the most original cliff hanging endings of all time.
"There was just one scream as the knife hit and then all was silent."

There was just one scream when the rejection letter arrived and then the pen went silent.

4. I have shared my bedroom throughout most of my life with nine different cousins who came to the United States to learn English. One particular cousin taught me the art of spying on the hot neighbor across the street...who needed T.V. back then when you've got this guy doing backflips off his bed in his underwear.

5. I know all the best swear words in Farsi thanks to my best friend Rima who is from Iran. I figure I'm bound to use these words sometime in my near future, perhaps the next time I'm in Tehran and stuck in traffic.

6. I love playing the "What do you think would happen?" game.
BF Rima and I have both imagined and played out many socially awkward scenarios that begin with this question. Our personal fave: "What do you think would happen if you walked up to the Whole Foods Butcher and asked for a pound of his best chicken tit?" or perhaps... "Just give me a couple of nice sized chicken boobs would ya?"

7. My friends and I went sailing with a man we had just met while playing pool one late summer evening. I know, I know I've seen Dateline, stupid, stupid move but the old coger we affectionately named "salty dog" promised our crew that we'd be eating huevos rancheros in Mexico at sunrise.

8. At one time I was addicted to Milk of Magnesia.
In my verison of the Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy, I would include the following warning, big and bold: "A week prior to your due date start eliminating the following foods from your diet: rice, bananas, cheese or any other consumables that might render you constipated after child birth. You see you don't know if you will be nursing a third degree tear and even though you really want sushi delivered to your hospital bed, do you want be back again sewing up those stitches 'cause you weren't able to drop the "kids" off at the pool?" Ignore this warning and a month later you might be making this late night phone call confession, "Doc, I think I'm addicted to Milk of Magnesia. I'm afraid, very afraid of my own poop."

9. I'm double jointed.

I always loved the part in the movie Breakfast Club when Judd Nelson pressures Molly Ringwald into sharing her quirky body trick. "What can you do Claire?" I'd have to say applying lipstick with your cleavage is pretty impressive but Mamacita's quirky body trick could land her a starring role in a traveling freak show when she retires from teaching.

1o. I'm a stage crasher.

At the Big Head Todd Concert a woman I had just met in the front row encouraged me to hop up on her wheelchair and crash the stage.

"Give 'em a hug for me," she called out as I struggled to pull myself up. I thought for sure I'd get the boot but Big Head Todd sang Bittersweet to the very end with his arm around my neck. This sucessful event became the catalyst for future stage crashing, G love and Special Sauce, a San Diego Funk band Goldfish, and Ween to name a few.

Consider yourself "Memed" if you haven't done this one already.