I'd love to say that I live simply.
If you glanced at the titles piling up on my bedside table Buddhism for Mothers, Awakening the Buddha within, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, Baby Buddha: a guide for teaching meditation to children you'd think I'd have earned a Masters in the subject by now. You'd think that I'd be a guru at living in the present moment as all these books recommend and you'd think I'd be able to use meditation as a way to help me rechannel the crazy pace of my life.
But I failed the meditation class I signed up for last spring.
Ok, I didn't get a grade of course but I could not stay focused on my breathing. I paid sixty bucks and showed up to about half of the sessions because in the middle of fifty quiet meditators I just couldn't stop my mind from rattling.
"Breathe in, breathe out listen to your breathing," the yogi invites us with the voice of a harp.
"Ok, ok breathe, breathe. Does that man next to me have a cold? How can I concentrate when he's coughing."
"Imagine you are sitting on the banks of a river. Now imagine this river is your thoughts and you are watching them float on by."
"Ok that's a good idea. Breathe, breathe. Goodbye thoughts. I will watch you float away down that river. Cheesy, so cheesy. This guy is like the woman in our birthing class when the Docta and I had to do a guided visualization and the lady asked us to imagine a babbling brook with birds chirping and chipmunks chattering and the Docta could not stop laughing. Do they all use the same metaphors? Ok stop you're so cynical, back to breathing. shit, the library book on meditative breathing i didn't return it. stay focused. (one eye opens scans the room, is everybody else in meditative bliss already? look at them they are statues. peaceful statues already) panic. eyes slam shut. breathe in, breathe out. hurry hurry you're not doing this right. hey why didn't Rims call back? i hope that cop didn't give her a ticket for talking on the phone. What's the deal with Chicago police, I wonder when Washington will make cell phone use illegal? Ok this is not working how do i stop thinking? i need a fricking mantra. Tonight I'll re-read the chapter from Meditation for Dummies and pick one out..."
I'm recalling all of this now and re-evaluating my efforts to live in simplicity because I just finished reading Elizabeth Gilbert's book Eat, Pray, Love. After a horrible, horrible divorce Gilbert sets out for Italy, India and Indonesia on a quest to achieve balance in her life. In India, she spends four entire months in an Ashram mediatating for hours and days on end. And I think to myself this sounds amazing. I could use this..but could I do it? I remember a friend of mind spent a month in Thailand doing a similar thing. She sent me postcards detailing her life there, the detox diet, the yoga marathons and the hours she spent doing chores in spiritual contemplation. I'd like to say i'd be up for this but do I have the mental stamina and focus this type of journey requires? Either way I'd like to get back to simplifiying my life again. But how my friends? What do you do? How do you keep it simple?
If you glanced at the titles piling up on my bedside table Buddhism for Mothers, Awakening the Buddha within, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, Baby Buddha: a guide for teaching meditation to children you'd think I'd have earned a Masters in the subject by now. You'd think that I'd be a guru at living in the present moment as all these books recommend and you'd think I'd be able to use meditation as a way to help me rechannel the crazy pace of my life.
But I failed the meditation class I signed up for last spring.
Ok, I didn't get a grade of course but I could not stay focused on my breathing. I paid sixty bucks and showed up to about half of the sessions because in the middle of fifty quiet meditators I just couldn't stop my mind from rattling.
"Breathe in, breathe out listen to your breathing," the yogi invites us with the voice of a harp.
"Ok, ok breathe, breathe. Does that man next to me have a cold? How can I concentrate when he's coughing."
"Imagine you are sitting on the banks of a river. Now imagine this river is your thoughts and you are watching them float on by."
"Ok that's a good idea. Breathe, breathe. Goodbye thoughts. I will watch you float away down that river. Cheesy, so cheesy. This guy is like the woman in our birthing class when the Docta and I had to do a guided visualization and the lady asked us to imagine a babbling brook with birds chirping and chipmunks chattering and the Docta could not stop laughing. Do they all use the same metaphors? Ok stop you're so cynical, back to breathing. shit, the library book on meditative breathing i didn't return it. stay focused. (one eye opens scans the room, is everybody else in meditative bliss already? look at them they are statues. peaceful statues already) panic. eyes slam shut. breathe in, breathe out. hurry hurry you're not doing this right. hey why didn't Rims call back? i hope that cop didn't give her a ticket for talking on the phone. What's the deal with Chicago police, I wonder when Washington will make cell phone use illegal? Ok this is not working how do i stop thinking? i need a fricking mantra. Tonight I'll re-read the chapter from Meditation for Dummies and pick one out..."
I'm recalling all of this now and re-evaluating my efforts to live in simplicity because I just finished reading Elizabeth Gilbert's book Eat, Pray, Love. After a horrible, horrible divorce Gilbert sets out for Italy, India and Indonesia on a quest to achieve balance in her life. In India, she spends four entire months in an Ashram mediatating for hours and days on end. And I think to myself this sounds amazing. I could use this..but could I do it? I remember a friend of mind spent a month in Thailand doing a similar thing. She sent me postcards detailing her life there, the detox diet, the yoga marathons and the hours she spent doing chores in spiritual contemplation. I'd like to say i'd be up for this but do I have the mental stamina and focus this type of journey requires? Either way I'd like to get back to simplifiying my life again. But how my friends? What do you do? How do you keep it simple?
10 comments:
I'm not sure I have the answer. But I know I giggled at everything that went through your mind while trying to meditate...it reminded me of myself trying to meditate. Practice makes perfect?
Fewer chores and errands would really help me.
less stuff...
for me, the more i get rid of, the calmer i feel in my space.
i plan to check back to see what the other folks have to say...cause like you sister, i gotta a lot of books that i struggle to implement into my daily life.
Just finished that book.
Amazing.
i have absolutely no clue.
but gilbert's book inspired the same desire in myself.
and i can't meditate to save my life.
sigh.
I LOVED that book. But how to truly simplify? That's the secret I'm chasing but haven't yet caught (tip: it's hard to simplify when you KEEP TAKING ON MORE STUFF!)
That sounds exactly like me when I'm trying to relax and get a massage. We have to let go of stuff I think. Her book made me want to eat Italian food...but maybe that's just me!
Your hilarious thoughts... I can so relate. I loved that book too. I think one of the biggest lessons in it regarding meditation is to just keep at it. Practice makes perfect, like Mary Alice said above. Also, I think that even if you aren't able to completely clear your mind of thoughts, you benefit from the sitting still and the steady breathing. When I practice breath prayers (sort of like meditation), I say a title (in my head) when I inhale (e.g., Merciful God/ Loving Spirit) and then I pray a request when I exhale (e.g., grant me peace/ still my thoughts/ bless this day). This helps to clear my head, though not in a traditional buddist way (because I'm just replacing some thoughts with others).
I have had the very same struggles. Gave up trying to meditate. Also just read that book and thought to myself that I couldn't do what she did. Also- I think we don't have to go to the extremes she did to find that inner peace. Remember when she talked about that Welsh/Irish (or something) man who does it without naming it. Just finds peace.
That book did inspire me to try again though- that inner noise sometimes makes me nuts and I just want to tell myself to shut the f* up!
thanks for all your comments... and sieber you're right it doesn't have to be big if anything keeping it simple starts with small acts and gestures...
Post a Comment